Tag Archives: children

Cultural Differences on Motherhood

DSC_0155bwmTonight Will, Sam, Mary, Paul and Sammy went to Paul’s parent’s for dinner. Sam and I stayed in bed. After dinner, Paul’s parents came back to the house to meet us. They said hello to Sam as he laid in bed. I got up and came out to the living room for a short visit.

Mary’s relationship with Paul’s parents as well as their relationship with Sammy has been confusing to me. When Mary and Paul got married, she was required to live with Paul’s parents for the first 3 months of their marriage to learn how to take care of Paul. This was confusing to me. Paul is a healthy young man. He does not have any special needs. Mary patiently told me that this is part of their culture.

When Mary got pregnant with Sammy, she was not allowed to live with Paul for the last trimester of her pregnancy, nor for the first few months after Sammy was born. It seems that there is a cultural belief that having sex during this time could cause the baby to become blind or disabled. Mary lived with her parents for the last trimester and then for the fist 2 months after the Sammy was born. After that she had to move into Paul’s parent’s home for a few months.

When I would ask her the baby’s name for a long time she would say that she did not know. It was Paul’s parents who would name him. I could not imagine this. In fact, Paul’s parents did give him his Basotho name and then Mary and Paul gave him his English name – Sammy.

Paul’s parents have as much and perhaps more say in the raising of Sammy as Mary does. He lives in their home during the week and comes home to Mary and Paul’s house on the weekends. They can come and get him whenever they want. This has been very confusing to me. Mary’s response is, “It is my culture.” Tonight as I sat with Paul’s parents, his mother pointed at Sammy and said, “That is my last born.” I thought my head was going to explode. That comment made no sense to me. Her last born? Wasn’t it Mary who was in labor for 2 days to give birth to that child? Wasn’t Sammy her child? I had a difficult time reminding myself that I was there to grow in my understanding of the culture, not to judge it.

Bus Driver Niko

DSC_0925wmNiko has created quite the bond with the pre-school children. Every morning he picks them up and takes them to school and every afternoon he brings them home. Today we went to the Center early to witness this morning ritual. Niko parks next door at the Bishops compound because it is easier then driving down the road full of pot holes to the Center. He then walks around a fence to get to the Center and fetches the little ones. Once they all have their coats and shoes on, together they trudge back to the van. Halfway to the van all 5 children stopped. The four boys unzipped their pants and took a pee, while the little girl, pulled down her tights and hiked up her skirt as she squatted to relieve herself. Right there where they were they just decided now is the time and this is the place. I giggled at their sweetness.

Sweet Goodbyes

DSC_0875 wmTonight we said our goodbyes. When we come back tomorrow morning all the children, except for the preschoolers and babies, will have left for school. I pray that the time we spent here will be a blessing in some small way on the children and matrons who live here. I pray that our time here will have an impact on Sam and Will. I pray that seeds of compassion and generosity and deep gratitude will take root in their hearts and that as they reenter there lives in the U.S. that they will do so knowing that they are a part of a larger world, a larger reality then their lives in Tacoma. May the spirit of this place go with us.

Concert for the Bishop

Bishops concert copyThis morning we met outside in the Bishops Compound with the Bishop. He needed to meet with us very early because he had a meeting in Pretoria, which is north of Johannesburg, that afternoon. Sam and Will played about 4 songs for the Bishop and his staff. He was so appreciative and he clapped along with the music. He gave us each a beautiful key chain, and tried out Sam’s drum pad.

As the Bishop talked to Niko and I about our work, he became very excited. He really wanted to meet with us again, and was disappointed that he had not met us sooner.

Concert at the Center

Concert @ the Center copyIt was fun to watch Sam and WIll play for the kids at the orphanage and their neighbors today. What was even more fun was to watch the performances of the children for us. Everywhere that Sam and Will have performed their music, the people have responded by singing a few Besotho songs for them.

After the concert, Rethabile and her cousin took the stage. They were fabulous! Their singing and harmonies blew me away. The children performed with singing and dancing. Stephanie got up and led the children in a funny rhyme that got their bodies moving. That sparked a memory in Niko and he got up and brought out an oldie from his youth ministry days, “Hello, my name is Joe. I work in a button factory…” This is a very silly rhyme that eventually includes all body parts moving in total silliness. It was such a delight to play together, to be silly together and to laugh together.

Concert at the Convent

Concert@Convent copyThe concert at the convent has definitely been my favorite concert of them all. It was inside, it was a small group, and Will did not need to strain to be heard.

The sisters loved it. Many of them got up, stuck their backsides out and danced. Even those in wheelchairs clapped and swayed from their seats. It was so much fun.

Again, we experienced Besotho hospitality, with delicious bread, fruit, coffee and tea. In gratitude, the sisters presented Sam and Will with small traditional painted Besotho hats. And then one of the sisters ran back to her room and came back with a Traditional full size Besotho hat for me. We left with our hearts and spirits filled with joy. What an afternoon!

Rethabile’s Family

Rathabile's home copyWhat an incredible afternoon at Rethabile’s home. Her family welcomed us with open arms and set out a beautiful spread of foods made just for us. Literally, just for us. They did not eat anything. The table was set for the 5 us and the rest of them sat or stood around the kitchen area and visited with us, but they did not eat.

We ate the most wonderful sorghum and bean dish. I have never had anything like it and it was absolutely delicious. They also served mango juice, corn and sweet crackers. For dessert they served canned peaches from their own peach tree. They were delicious. They sent us home with a jar that we will carry back home to Tacoma and save for a special dinner.

I was moved not only by the hospitality and generosity of Rethabile’s family, but also by their gentle spirits. I am discovering that the spirit of the Besotho people is one of gentle, quiet, strength.

Walk to Rethabile’s Family Home

Walk to Rathabile's copy Today, Rethabile took us on a walk to her village. I love walking and interacting with the people we meet. Most of the time we are in the van, whizzing by and getting only glimpses of life in Mohales Hoek. But today, we walked. We passed a beautiful rondeval and the owner let us go inside. Rondavels are the traditional round Besotho homes with thatch roofs. They absorb heat in the winter and stay cool in the summer. They are much more energy efficient then the more modern cinder block homes. I find their earthiness and simplicity to be unbelievably beautiful.

Color Crayons and Paper

Color Crayons copyAfter our walk to town we returned to the center. All the children were back from school and for a short time we just checked each other out, not quite sure how to interact. Then I went to the car and brought out paper and crayons and a few markers for the older children. Suddenly, the energy shifted. Benches were moved to serve as tables, I gave out paper and crayons and every single child began to color. As they finished their masterpiece each child came to me and put it in my hands. I had not asked them to turn them into me, this is something they just did. As they handed me their pictures I oohed and awed and commented on the beauty of their artwork . At the end of our art time, every single crayon and marker was accounted for with very few broken pieced. I found that amazing: 20 children, 15 of whom are under age 6 and all the pieces were returned.

As I reviewed their drawings, I was moved by the messages I found written on their artwork. Slindle wrote: “Thank you for being part of my life.” I felt like these messages were their whisperings to us, the words they wanted to say but were too shy. These drawings became a bridge between us, allowing us to connect our hearts in a gentle way.

Coloring color3 Color2

Concert at the Elementary School

Concert at the school copyOur first full day in Mohales Hoek started with Will and Sam giving a concert to over 450 elementary students. This was a huge act of courage for these two young men. Sam and Will have been in a rock band for the last 2 years and have performed quite a bit with the band. Before leaving for Lesotho, the 2 of them had only performed alone 2 times. Once before they were in the band, they performed 2 songs at an open mike at our local frozen yogurt shop to a handful of people. Two weeks before we left for Lesotho they performed at a fundraiser we organized to raise money for the St. Camillus Center. They learned from that performance that it is much more difficult and vulnerable to perform as a duo then it is to perform with the band. Now today they stood on a stage in front of all these beautiful Basotho children and performed without any back up or any kind of sound system.

Of course the children and faculty responded to them with kindness and jumped into the novelty of the moment. It isn’t often that they have 2 white boys from the United States show up to do a concert for them. Just the fact that together Sam and Will had access to and played not only a drum, but a guitar and a ukulele was a novelty in a culture where even the most basic school supplies are not accessible.