Each year I spend part of my New Year’s at a Korean Women’s Spa. I spend my time soaking in mineral pools, resting in heated salt and sand rooms. and eating delicious and healthy Korean stir fry. The day culminates with receiving a skin scrub to get rid of the old and a skin moisturizing massage to bless the new.

This New Year’s Eve as I lived this treasured ritual, a sadness walked with me. I tried to breathe into it, but questions kept badgering me. What’s next? What was this trip all about?

This experience was such a big surprise and huge gift, I think I expected it to lead lead to something else big. I have this inner mantra that tells me that each life experience is a stepping stone to something else, so this huge experience must lead to some huge change in me or for me and my family. But it didn’t. We came home to the same lovely home, to the same loving community, to our same good work and this haunting question, What’s next?

After my scrub and moisturizing massage at the spa, I went to the salt room and curled up on the floor, soaking in the heat, breathing in the smell of herbs, and resting in the womb like darkness of the room. I prayed. I asked God, “What’s next? What am I supposed to do with this experience? What am I missing here?” What I heard back is this:

You are missing the gift. Just breath in the experience. You do not have to do anything with it, except accept the joy of it. You did not take Sam to the Beatles experience expecting him to come home and become a rock star. You gave him the experience because you knew he would love it and that you would love watching his delight. So it is with you. You were given this experience because I knew you would love every second of it and that I would love watching your delight. That is it. That is the gift. Relax now and enjoy the memory and let it take root in you however it will.

The sadness began to lift and my weariness subsided. I got up, got dressed and went home to enjoy my life and to welcome the New Year.